Hey Reader, You know how some people seem to think that if they know something, then nobody else knows it? You can probably remember somebody you've met who acts like they're the fount of all knowledge. They constantly explain things to everybody around them, even if those other people clearly have the same knowledge. Well, I have the opposite issue: instead of thinking that nobody knows what I know, I tend to think that if I know something, then of course everybody else knows it too. That's...
7 days ago • 2 min read
Hey Reader, The day has finally come, and I'm excited to share this with the SETT community first: Building Intimacy - A Guide to Deeper, Stronger Relationships is live! And it'll be available at a discount to the SETT community for the next 10 days. Building Intimacy is a 6-week email course that's designed to help you develop the kind of trust, emotional safety, and intimacy you really want. Each lesson focuses on one topic in a way that I can't do in the normal newsletter. Here's what you...
14 days ago • 1 min read
Hey Reader, When I write to you in SETT, I usually talk about the skills and obstacles around emotional intimacy, but in my therapy practice I help people with a wide-range of issues. Three of the big topics I work with are trauma, grief, and post-punk issues. One of the reasons I try to acknowledge that intimacy requires emotional skills is that, on a daily basis, I see on how people's nervous system's prevent them from having the kind of closeness they really want. Whether you're using the...
21 days ago • 1 min read
Hey Reader! Normally, you only hear from me on Tuesdays (and the occasional Friday bump if you missed a newsletter). I'm writing to you on a Monday because I'm excited. Over the past couple of months I've been creating something that I feel both anxious and hopeful about putting out into the world. It's called Building Intimacy: A Guide for Deeper, Stronger Relationships. Building Intimacy is a 6-week course that offers more than I can offer here: a substantive look at the skills and...
22 days ago • 1 min read
Hi Reader, Becoming a therapist is a little like going through a crash-course in relationships. I certainly had peers who were became psychologists so they could have the kind of detached expertise you might find in a surgeon, but that never felt right to me. At its core, therapy is about two people having an intimate conversation... and that's called a relationship. * Because of that, it's always been important to me to keep an eye on how my own "stuff" shows up in the work. If I have...
28 days ago • 2 min read
Hey Reader, Being a therapist is such weirdly personal work. It's intimate, but differently so for the therapist and client. It's mutual, but that doesn't mean the patient and therapist share about ourselves mutually. It's a relationship, but yes, there's a financial element to it as well. Because it's a strange mix of the deeply personal with boundaried professionalism, I think it's important to regularly seek out consultation from other psychologists about the work we do. Even with 17 years...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hi Reader, "A system in balance tries to stay in balance." Early in my training, a professor shared this basic concept with us. She had decades of working with families, couples, and individuals under her belt, and in each of those settings she saw the same pattern occur: when one person, or one part of us, tries to change how things are done, the system often responds in a way designed to keep things the way they've always been. "The system" might be other family members. It might be a...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Hey there Reader. As a little change up, I recorded today's SETT as a video. I'm really curious if you'll prefer this format. If you enjoy this as a video, shoot me a quick email letting me know how often you might want me to do it in the future. Just hit reply and say "always," "sometimes", or "never." Until next week, -Nick Dr. Nicholas Hack, PsyD. 2991 Shattuck Ave, Suite 303, Berkeley, CA 94610Unsubscribe · Preferences
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Reader, Let's keep it short and to the point this week. If you're going back-and-forth about whether to act on something please know this: it's okay to acknowledge the decision you have to take, but not be ready to act on it yet. Whether that's taking the risk to commit to a relationship or acknowledging you need to end one, it's totally fine to know what the right choice is, but to hold off on taking it until you're ready. Set the burden of the back-and-forth down. You've already made the...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read