Hey Reader,

You know how some people seem to think that if they know something, then nobody else knows it?

You can probably remember somebody you've met who acts like they're the fount of all knowledge. They constantly explain things to everybody around them, even if those other people clearly have the same knowledge.

Well, I have the opposite issue: instead of thinking that nobody knows what I know, I tend to think that if I know something, then of course everybody else knows it too.

That's been a problem in my work as a clinical psychologist.

It's a problem because I've ended up assuming that what's clear to me is also clear to my clients. It's a problem because I've assumed that ideas or information I take for granted are also things that they have at their disposal.

I'm not talking about technical or theory language. I'm not under any assumption that people will know what something like countertransference or projective identification is, how to spot it, or what to do if you're aware of it. That's theory. That's very different.

But I have assumed that people know what I mean when I talk about vulnerability, or self-regulation, or repairing ruptures.

And I've also assumed that people are already trying to communicate with vulnerability, or trying to self-regulate when tensions rise, or trying to repair ruptures.

Those mistakes of mine have led to a lot of surprises.

As I've worked on this blind spot, I've asked far more questions of people than I used to, and what I've found is this:

So many people genuinely want deep, intimate friendships and romantic relationships, but they just don't know what to do to in order to build them.

And when friends, or siblings, or partners say things like "I wish you'd be more open with me," or "I wish we were closer," many people have few tangible ideas of what to do differently.

That was the impetus for the Strong Enough To Talk Newsletter, and it's the same realization that led me to create Building Intimacy - A Guide to Deeper, Stronger Relationships.

Building Intimacy is a 6-week email course where I focus on the building blocks of close, trusting relationships. Each week covers a different topic, from the nuts and bolts of how to actually be vulnerable, to talking honestly about why even positive changes are so slow to take hold.

Each lesson also offers a few focused, reflective questions. Getting general advice is one thing, but figuring out how the you who's reading this email applies the skills to your specific life with your unique history, strengths, and weaknesses, well, that's something else. I want to help you move beyond reading about intimacy into having clear ideas about how you can create it in your relationships.

Because you've trusted me enough to sign up for SETT, I'd like to offer you first access and a discount on the course. Until Oct 30th, Building Intimacy will be available at $49 USD. After that, it will go live to the public, and the price will go up to $69.

I'm really excited about it, and I think people will find it helpful.

Until next week,

-Nick